The Chaos Theory

It’s funny how simple mistakes lead to the greatest disasters in life.  The Japanese sent the wrong message for unconditional surrender to the allied forces and ended up with two heavily desecrated cities from atomic bombing.  The German ship captain nearby heard the distress call from the Titanic “we are sinking!  we are sinking!” but being German mistook the message for that they were “zinking” (German English for “thinking”).  So the German captain replied “what are you zinking about? LOL.  So down the bottom of the Atlantic came the love that would have been for Leonardo and Kate.

 

Originally posted as “The Chaos Theory” on my early blog Casa de Mementos (http://joshavinante.multiply.com)

Bitter Sweet

If I was a girl, I would fall head over heals.

With that guy next door strong enough to be my man.

I would express my love and be faithful to him.

And be taken for granted for it.

 

If I was a girl, I would wait long dragging minutes.

For that single text message of his assurance for his love.

Will stay away from pubs and boys.

While I wait.

 

If I was a girl, I will wait for eternity.

But will wait in vain.

Just when I would give up on him.

He would call and assure me of his love.

 

If I was a girl, I would send him multiple texts.

Telling him how much I love him and that I’m thinking of him.

But I will receive no reciprocation, neither by call or simple text.

And I will feel alone.

 

If I was a girl, I would feel helpless.

Contemplated to a life of misery.

I will lose my dignity.

And achieve nothing.

 

If I was a girl, I would think he turned off his phone.

Because he is not alone.

I would confront my love and ask for assurance.

But he will just laugh it off telling me I’m paranoid.

 

If I was a girl, I would think he isn’t taking me seriously.

Everytime he goes to bimbo-infested pubs without me.

I wouldn’t be enough to inspire him.

When he’s had a bad day at work.

So he goes out to drink by himself, in bimbo-infested pubs.

 

If I was a girl, my heart will be very dear to me.

More dear than some guy who don’t seem to care.

He can seem to live without me.

So why bother living with him.

 

If I was a girl, I will give him a second chance.

Because I still love him.

But he will take it for granted again.

Because I was so faithful to give him a second chance.

 

If I was a girl, I will leave him.

And break his comfort zone.

He comes chasing after me telling me that he loves me.

But that’s a story I’ve heard a million times.

 

If I was a girl, will I think that he did love me though in his own immature way?

He has hurt me so badly, will I trust him ever again?

Will I realize that I have changed him and turned his world upside down?

I do not know, because I am not a girl.

 

9.23.2009

Originally written on Casa de Mementos (http://joshvinante.multiply.com)

September 23, 2009

Surrounded by Fallen Leaves

I always thought that women who flirted with part-time message handlers were fugly. Well, this one wasn’t. There she was clad in her white Pre-Med student uniform and standing between two ladies – a rose amongst thorns. Too good to be true.

It was an ordinary day when I set the eyeball date. The campus was a romantic place with all its Romanesque architecture and gardens. One attraction was the statue of the Querubin which was said to be the patron saint of homosexuals. The thought was rather disturbing but there was just the two of us surrounded by fallen leaves, scintillating silence and mystique of the lone statue. I could still remember the feeling.

Act 1:

Oh, did I mention that she had a boyfriend? Yes, she did. She said that she misses him. I could still remember the cheerless expression on her face. The thought of it was sad but not tragic. It was too early to fall head over heels. At this point, the excitement of courtship was all that mattered. In a few more days of dating, I forgot that the car I was driving her with was color coded, that is the vehicle was against curfew for the day until 7pm due to the last digit of my plate number . Far ahead were the figures of four sloppy looking clowns (a.k.a. MMDA Traffic Enforcers). They haven’t seen us so I had time to turn right and pretend to be parked in some corner of Kalayaan Street. A flyover made the area poorly illuminated. There was hardly anyone. She bit my right arm in a flirtatious way. I didn’t do anything about it. We just talked. One night, in the middle of one of our nightly telebabad (telephone conversation until the wee hours of the morning), she said it was over between her and the boyfriend. I didn’t take that as a sign either.

Act 2:

My memory is fuzzy but I think it was a break from the career dumps that ended our story. The new direction introduced me to new friends and routines. I spent less on phone conversations and ice cream dates and more on clubbing and staying out late. We simply lost the connection, just like that. Poof! Some months later, I remembered to call her up and say hello. Actually, I kind of missed her. Her answer was an evil laugh and said she had gotten back together with the boyfriend. For some reason, that laugh failed to inspire myself to rekindle an old friendship.

Act 3:

Some years passed and reached my late 20s without even noticing. I was emotionally more mature, email had become available to everyone and Friendster (before Facebook) had just been born. Consequently, she was among old friends I wanted to dig up. I could still remember that first email conversation.

Josh: Well, well, well! Look who we have here. =) You don’t seem to have changed, still charming as usual. How are you?

Cons: Well, some things do change. I’m getting married in a few days.

Originally written on 8.14.2008